Monday, August 16, 2010
I thought you were gone, lost and somewhere that I would not be able to get you back from. The more I struggled to return to where it was, the more I floated away. Slippery, like a fish out of water, I just could not grasp you and hold you down. And the more I wondered and stared, the more out of focus you became.
I can't ask others about you or wonder how they got you back, because no one shares in it the same way, no one takes the same walk and journey with it daily or weekly or in their life. And somehow I got to where pessimism lies dormant,where status-quo sits and twiddles her thumbs and I tried to wake her up-tried to put her on like a warm robe. Warm and self-sufficient, I saw no need to look anymore. Where we were was good enough, well enough for me.
But today-without trying and without knowing-you came back full force and said "Here I am. Here is where I have been all along." And when I looked into what made me my shape-what drives and pushes and motivates and excites and moves me-I saw you. And I know that you waited here for me, knowing like a loyal dog that I would be back and that I would not need to say anything-I can just put you back on like a suit of armor-and joy abounds. I found you, and I didn't even have to look-I just had to see.