him and I

Last night, I played video games, ate marshmallows and m&m's and watched transformers cartoons. No, not by myself, but with my 4 yr. old son.

I have seen a shift in my relationship with my son. He and I have had a couple of awesome adventures, time for just him and I including a trip to the Palace to watch the Pistons. During that drive home, he told me that our evening was "the best day he ever had", and-exaggerated or not, still felt awesome to hear.

We are closer I think as he gets older, we enjoy doing things together and sharing boy stuff like video games, football, mountain dew and pretend guns. As I teach him what these things mean and how to grow up, I pray that God helps me to guide him into the man he is meant to be.

I once read that good coaches don't need to give that one "big talk" if they have done the right thing all year long, talking and communicating their plans and hopes for the team. In that same way, I try to make sure each day is lived in such a way that it speaks to my son as an accumulation of plans, hopes, dreams and focus for his life. It is not the final push, but the season of preparation that will make a difference in his life, and I am honored to be the coach called dad for him.

"Point your kids in the right direction—
when they're old they won't be lost."
Proverbs 22:6 (The Message)

photo: Arvind Balaraman

birth-day

Today is my son’s 4th bday. He was born on July 14, 2006 and the whole experience was different from his older sister’s birth in many ways.

We felt more prepared but also less prepared because we knew more. We were left with the question of what will the new baby be, boy or girl, and if it is a boy what can we use and not use? What will the process be liking birthing for my wife, and as the date approached and it was hot July weather here in NW Ohio, my wife wondered when the baby would be ready since our oldest was almost 6 weeks before here due date. I wondered how our sleep patterns would change, how my daughter would react, how the dog would do with another baby (since she did so awesome the firs time, I wasn’t worried too much on that one)...I wondered how my wife would do in delivery, would it go smooth? Would she be in the same pain she was the first time through? Would we need that ICU down the hall? How would the first breath/bath/night/day/sleep/diaper/feeding/dressing go?...

The day of his birth went well, and despite a few moments where the doc wasn’t sure if he needed to take more immediate action, Ethan Edward entered our lives and changed it forever. I am now a man with a son to add to the daughter I had, a boy to pass on my family’s name, my qualities both good and bad, and my “legacy”.


So today, on his fourth birthday, I pray that the legacy is one of faith and hope and grace and love. I hope that the things he remembers about me are that the words out of my mouth match the actions of my hands and feet. That he learns compassion and love are as much about being a man as toughness and strength. I dream that he finds the courage to stand up for what he believes in by how he lives and what he does. I pray he finds a job he loves, one that nourishes both his pocketbook and his soul. I pray also that his faith is a living faith in an all-mighty God, a relationship that he understands and wonders about all at the same time-that things like grace would both be a mystery and a comfort to him. That he understands my legacy is not about me, but all about that relationship with others around us and ultimately with God.

Before me I see a little man, a life full of promise and hopes and dreams that far out measure the possibilities I could imagine. I see a little man, ready to take over the world but also scared to speak sometimes. In him, I see that the root work I lay down today will shape where, how and what he does years from now.

Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monsters gone
Hes on the run and your daddy's here

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
Its getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful boy

Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess well both just have to be patient
cause its a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes its a long way to go
But in the meantime

Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
Its getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Darling, darling, darling
Darling Ethan

(as adapted from J.W.O.Lennon's Beautiful Boy)